Infidelity is perhaps as old as marriage even though it is widely believed that men cheat more than women. Although it is bizarre to imagine that married women would engage in cheating especially if the marriage is blessed with children, however, there have been so many reports about women having extramarital affairs. Other than disagreements arising from childlessness and the usual ‘irreconcilable differences’, there is hardly any other thing that has wrecked marriages than infidelity.
Studies have shown that women are as guilty as the men Almost every married person has faced marital challenges at one time or the other. It would not be an exaggeration to say that there is no marriage without its challenges even when the partners truly love each other. While the society usually doesn’t raise eyebrows when married men cheat, however in the case of women the stigma from family members and the society eventually destroys the women or makes her less acceptable in certain circles. Below are a few of the most common reasons found.
1. In love with someone before marriage
It is as simple as that. Perhaps the woman was already in love with someone before marriage and could not marry him for whatever reasons or circumstances. After marriage, the lady failed to form a compatible relationship with her husband. If looked deeper, the reasons could be that the husband did not give enough care, love and attention to his wife which made her long for pre-marriage relationship. Hence this led to infidelity. Also, it is quite possible that despite having a good husband and family of in-laws, the now married woman could not forget her first love. Depending on individual perception, this could be an insignificant reason because “love” is so difficult to define. Also equally important are responsibility, commitment and stability. While to some others, getting satisfactory sexual and emotional intimacy may seem to be more important than remaining faithful in marriage.
2. To seek revenge
In a relationship or a marriage, where the husband is already having an affair the wife thinks it is appropriate to teach husband by having an affair herself. The other combination could be where the relationship is suffering due to the bad attitude or physical violence by the husband. The hurt partner is now significantly encouraged to find something from outside of the marriage which has been denied to her. Whatever may be the explanation given by the married lady, her real motivation is to seek revenge. Currently, this is the most common cause being quoted.
3. Variety is the spice of life
For some, this concept goes beyond cars, furniture and fashion and includes sexual variety through more than one partner as well. When it comes to falling for physical attraction and wanting to have sex, women are no different from men. Sometimes women married for a couple of years to the same person have a stronger craving and they go in for a bit of a change in their routine. Here the women are strongly attached to the physical level and for them, sex has become routine and predictable, If she gets a chance, she does not mind having an adventure – to begin with discreetly. But later if she enjoys it then this could be in the form of a casual affair or a solid committed relationship.
All humans have desires and needs and married women having physical needs are no exception. Secondly a woman for one or the other reason may not be completely happy with her partner. So if a woman happens to meet a man who has one or more of the qualities of being smart, great conversationalist, rich, successful then the probability is high that the woman will be lusting for him. The bonding will happen fast if the man too has a roving eye and knows how to pay the lady right compliments and strike the right cord. Once again, this may have nothing to do with love between the husband and wife.
5. A need to feel sought after
As the marriage gets older, the mutual attraction begins to fade away. The lovebirds become two wheels of a cart called the family. The romantic emotions, physical attachment and love etc. are replaced by a mechanical life full of roles and responsibilities for both the partners. In their middle ages, many women tend to feel unwanted and not praised by husband and kids. It suddenly feels like an oasis in the desert, especially for the sensitive women who are starved for praise, compliments but get indifferent and bored looks from kids and husband. Many women don’t mind exploring adult dating websites and with it come scores of men who find them attractive and sexually desirable. Through discreet extramarital affairs with new partners, women are able to revive and re-live their past when they were found to be charming, beautiful and sexy.
6. Fostering a desire for Attention and Flattery
All women need attention but some women need it all the time and more than others. So if there is a man who is giving “the attention seeking woman” some extra attention and whispers into her ears some sweet words of flattery the affair is bound to happen, especially if the married woman does not mind having an affair. All a smart man has to do is to spot such a woman, care about her feelings and show his concern by asking her, “Did you eat properly? Was the food to your liking? Are you OK?”
It is usual that after marriage, men tend to get busier with their careers and as husbands take their wives for granted. They don’t say “I love you” that often now. It was the same man who was much more caring and concerned for her as a boyfriend. Now if another man takes responsibility of looking after her, he is likely to have her heart.
Source: Within Nigeria