Why people in romantic relationships cheat on the loves of their lives

Infidelity in romantic relationships appears to be on the rise. According to one estimate, the number of people who are unfaithful to a partner has increased 40% since 1990. Though the wronged partner typically has plenty of support in the aftermath of an affair, there are far fewer resources for cheaters themselves. Yet there’s both a need for more information for unfaithful partners and an opportunity for couples to navigate beyond an affair. “As infidelity has become increasingly common, so does the lack of understanding surrounding the reasons and motivations that people have when they decide to have an affair,” said sex therapist Tammy Nelson, author of the new book “When You’re the One Who Cheats.”

Image result for black couple breaking up

People don’t always cheat for the reasons we might think, experts say. “In my research for this book, I found that men cheat for relationships and connection, and women cheat for sex. This goes against the narrative that we have been told that women cheat for love and men cheat purely for sexual reasons,” Nelson said. What’s more, motivations for the ultimate outcome of an affair can differ. “Some people cheat because it’s a can opener, a way to get out of a relationship. Some people cheat to stay in their marriage,” she explained. “There are as many reasons for an affair as there are people.”

Image result for black couple breaking up

If you’re the unfaithful one in your relationship, it’s worth determining why you cheated, what you hoped to get from it and whether those reasons preclude reconciliation. “You should be asking yourself questions like, ‘should I lose someone I love for someone I like? Am I looking at the full scope of our relationship, or am I just highlighting the bad times? Do I really want to end my marriage, and how will that affect my kids, family and my partner?’ ” advised infidelity recovery strategist Renelle E. Nelson. “If you stay in the marriage, what would that look like? What do you need to reconnect to your partner?”

Image result for black couple breaking up

And if you’re feeling guilty – or if you want to stay with your significant other – it can be tempting to spill the beans. But you’ll want to consider what your motivations are for confessing. “I don’t recommend they disclose the details of the affair if they are only doing it to make themselves feel better,” Nelson said. Though the wronged partner will no doubt have a lot of questions about the affair, it may not be healthy to hear the answers, especially all at once, sex therapist Sari Cooper said. “I ask couples to make a list of questions about the affair” before answering them, she explained. “As they progress through therapy and their initial rage has begun to calm down, they can decide whether the information they’re looking for will make a difference in the healing process.” [Culled from CNN].